Monday, April 4, 2011

Self Comes Forth within Agreement

Comfort as how it is lived and experienced in this world is as a 'hiding' from pain. Comfort always occurs After something unpleasant has happened to you and then someone comes to comfort you. Comfort – Come into my fort – Come here, I will comfort you, I will create an apparent fort around you, where you can pretend that you are safe and secure from whatever it is you're hiding from. In that, you can suppress your experience so that it feels like it is now 'gone'.
This definition and application of the word 'comfort' is quite problematic – as all that happens is a suppression of what you are experiencing. And – in a way this is obvious, because – most of the time – what you are actually trying to hide and run away from, is yourself, your own inner experiences. No fort is going to keep you safe from yourself… so all that you 'can' do – apparently – is to suppress your inner emotions so that they are gone and you are now 'safe'.

In those moments, where you seek comfort from someone – what is usually the experience? It is an experience of inner turmoil and it is like this inner turmoil has 'taken over' inside yourself. And all you can do is just be that turmoil and cry as the turmoil and worry with the turmoil and think about the turmoil and it is like a storm that doesn't stop and the only way you know for the storm to stop is to have someone else step in and comfort you.

In that storm, in that inner turmoil – it is like you have lost yourself.

So – what is the alternative? How can you stop the storm without having someone comfort you and suppressing the entire experience? Because – common sense – if the experience is suppressed, it means it is not gone at all – it is merely suppressed. You don't feel it anymore, but it's still there, lurking in the depths and the shadows of yourself. And with any next opportunity, when you are off-guard, it will just come storming back in, taking you over, all over again.

The alternative is for you to – from within the storm – stand up. This is done through applying self-forgiveness, breathing and self-corrective statements. As you apply these tools, you will see that the storm clears – and you come forth. When self comes forth – that must be… self-comfort.

Instead of being comforted by someone saying 'come into my fort' where you can try to hide from the storm inside yourself – you comfort yourself; allowing yourself to Come Forth through applying the tools of breathing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application.

This new perspective on the word 'comfort' is also applicable in relation to the words 'comfortable' and 'comfortability'. Because – when you say that you are comfortable in the presence of a particular being, do you not mean that you are able to be yourself? That you feel that you are able to share things with this person that you would not normally share? So – you are comfort-able – able to come forth as who you are. Eventually, you want to be able to be here as who you are no matter what – though, initially, you will find that you feel comfortable only around certain beings.

In terms of an agreement partner – that comfortability is what you are looking for – someone where you are able to come forth – where you feel like you can share things that you would not normally share, where there is no pressure to be anything else than just you. This point of comfortability is signalling to you that there is potential for an agreement here.

If you find an agreement partner and both of you have decided to walk together – you will find moments where you are no longer comfortable, where you want to hide from the other, where you want to run away from the person, where you want to 'appear better' to the person, etc. This does not mean that your agreement is now invalid and that you have to break up. It simply means that you're facing a particular point. Then, it is to push yourself to communicate with the other being, push yourself back to that point of comfort. Stand up – come forth.

If you keep on applying this point, if you keep on pushing for that point of self-comfortability within agreement – you will see that it becomes much easier for you to be comfortable around other beings as well. What are agreements, but a training ground in realising your equality and oneness to and as other beings?

So – remember that it is not because you are comfortable in the presence of a particular being, that this comfortability will remain unchanged if you decide to walk an agreement together. Your comfortability is a starting-point. As you walk together and go through all kinds of experiences that are being triggered and you suddenly realise that you're not at all comfortable with your agreement partner anymore – that's when you want to go back to your starting-point. Because if you continue as you are, where you are in each other's presence, but not actually present as you with the other – you'll each move into separate directions, individually and communication will become more and more problematic.

So – go back to your starting-point, meaning: push for that point of open communication. Share what it is that you're experiencing, despite feeling uncomfortable about it. And as you talk with each other, and openly share what each one has been experiencing, you're placing yourself back as the starting-point of comfortability. This means that you're both present again, here, together – and able to direct the particular point that caused you to become uncomfortable around each other in the first place.


  1. Well placed, thanks Maite!

    I have become aware of myself saying the word comfortable often and flagpointed it as a point to investigate within myself, this blog post hit the spot so to speak.